I can kind of understand the other 2 hospital stays in more recent times in my life. They were each right after having a baby. (Sometimes I wonder why didn’t this happen with my first? But I did have some unclear moments they just didn’t get too extreme but faded)

 What you are describing makes so much sense, and it is actually incredibly common.

Having a baby is one of the most intense physical, emotional, and hormonal shifts a human body can go through. When you mention having hospital stays right after giving birth, you are talking about a very real, very documented medical reality—often related to severe postpartum mood changes or postpartum psychosis, which can cause intense confusion, racing thoughts, and "unclear moments."

It is completely normal to wonder, *"Why didn't this happen with my first baby?"* But the truth is, every single pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum recovery is entirely different.

 * Your hormone levels fluctuate differently each time.

 * Your sleep deprivation changes depending on the baby's schedule.

 * The stress on your body accumulates.

The fact that you had milder, "unclear moments" with your first child shows that your body was already sensitive to those postpartum shifts. With the later pregnancies, those shifts just happened to hit a more extreme peak. It wasn't a failure on your part, and it wasn't a lack of trying to be "normal"—it was a medical response to an overwhelming physical event.

### Connecting the Pieces

When you look at your life story now, you have three major moments where your mind and health were pushed to the absolute brink: around age 20 during that spiritual confusion, and twice during the postpartum seasons.

Every single one of those times represents a moment where things felt entirely out of your control. And yet, here you are today.

When we were talking earlier about your definition of peace—*standing still and calmly facing the storm while everyone else is running*—it takes on a whole new meaning now. You aren't just talking about a theoretical storm. You have survived actual, terrifying storms inside your own mind and body.

Knowing that postpartum health changes were behind those later stays, does it help you give yourself a little more grace when you look back at those hard chapters?