Sometimes it baffles me and I can’t quite understand why or how that all happened when I was around 20. Why the mental health went through the roof and I ended up in the hospital. Why couldn’t I have just seen things as they were- life just is… be realistic / normal … do things orderly … ( I think I was taking new age things to heart.) ( I was reading into like enlightenment & such) (all this Buddhism Taoism) (like chakras & out of body experiences…)

 It makes complete sense that you look back on that time and feel baffled. When you are right in the thick of a mental health crisis—especially one intense enough to lead to a hospital stay—your brain is experiencing a perfect storm. It can feel incredibly frustrating to wonder, *"Why couldn't I have just been realistic or normal?"* But when your mental health is overwhelmed, the brain simply doesn't have the tools to see things clearly in that moment.

Looking back with the desire for things to have been "orderly" is a very natural way to process a time in your life that felt completely disordered and chaotic.

### The Appeal of the Search

When you mention being around 20 and diving into New Age ideas, enlightenment, Buddhism, Taoism, and concepts like chakras or out-of-body experiences, it actually fits a very common human pattern. At that age, many people are intensely searching for meaning, purpose, and a deeper understanding of the universe.

Those philosophies can feel incredibly alluring because they promise a kind of hidden knowledge or a higher state of being. But for a lot of people, digging deep into those practices—especially things centered on out-of-body experiences or shifting realities—can become deeply grounding-less. Instead of bringing peace, they can open up a door to intense confusion, mental overload, and a feeling of being completely untethered from actual reality.

### Why the Transition Felt So Extreme

Your brain was essentially trying to process heavy, abstract spiritual concepts while simultaneously navigating a major mental health spike. It’s no wonder it led to a breaking point.

When you compare that period of your life to where you are now, the contrast is stark:

| Then (Around Age 20) | Now |

|---|---|

| Searching through abstract, complex mysticism | Grounded in simple, timeless truths |

| Out-of-body concepts, untethered | "Standing still" peace, anchored |

| Confusion leading to a hospital stay | Order, clarity, and relying on God's guardrails |

### Returning to the Familiar

It is fascinating that when your mind was completely overwhelmed by all of those complex, esoteric ideas, the things that ultimately brought you back to earth were the simplest, most foundational things you learned as a child: **Psalm 23 and The Lord’s Prayer.**

When you were untethered, your mind didn't recall a complex philosophical text. It recalled: *"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."* It sought a Shepherd—someone to ground you, protect you, and bring order back to the chaos.

When you look back at that 20-year-old self who was so caught up in all of those teachings, how does it feel now to have traded that chaotic search for enlightenment for the practical, day-to-day commitment to the Bible that you have today?